I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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