the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
