I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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