Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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