Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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