My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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