just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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