took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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