If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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