I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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