So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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