He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
