I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.