i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.