in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize