i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...