He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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