we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
