I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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