Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
