The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
