I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
worst night to have a conscience
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
