this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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