Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
smell my finger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
