just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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