I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
