Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
