theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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