This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
