Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
