I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
