last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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