I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
50% drunk capacity currently
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
