that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
