6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
