you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
