He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
