I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
