you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
