Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
