We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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