She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
