we have pet lesbian snakes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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