apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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