i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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