fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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