there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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