sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
