i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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