I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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