dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
