I should be sponsored by Trojan
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
