this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
