My brain says no but my pants say off.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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