I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
