Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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