First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
