Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
COCAINE IS GR8
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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