chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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