Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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