She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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