I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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